How competently refuse sex

# - Chevalier, sweltering with passion and lust;
# - You - a beautiful lady, alas, is not inclined to him carnal pleasures (maybe right now, but can - and have never).
Objective: To correctly aforesaid gentleman to refuse.

First of all, let us agree. "Literate" - so that, on the one hand, not to offend the man, whose only fault is that he wants you, and you do not. On the other hand, in order not to provoke their aggression, and attempted sexual assault.

In short, literate refusal both soft and firm.

If feeling rejected suitor will not bother, or if you're a feminist herself the question of provocation to rape offends you to the depths of the soul - stop reading here. If you do not like to hurt people when they can not hurt if you understand that the theft, of course, always blame the thief, but it does not follow that a purse full of money is left unattended, and before leaving the house, the door Apartment better lock and key - then we have something to discuss.
Deny gently

Here we are two useful quotes from the classics. The first of the "Theater" Maugham: "There are men who are easier to give than to explain why you do not want to." The second of the "Heart of a Dog". Remember how Philip Filippitch Transfiguration refused to buy magazines for the children of Germany, half a ruble thing "? "I do not want" - that's his whole answer. And the children said, sympathy, and not fifty kopeks sorry, but - I do not want.

None of desire and reluctance to require neither explanation nor justification. Any "want" and "do not want to" self-sufficient, and all attempts to argue, "rationalized," as psychologists say, inevitably reaching a logical trap. Especially if the holder was bore and a hundred and ninth time sadly mutters over his ear, "Well why do not you?". It should reach the bait - and you'll be forced to invent, to compose the reasons for rejection, and inevitably someone - he, you or, in extreme cases, external circumstances - would be "guilty".

Here, look. What really means "you are not high enough / beautiful / smart / clean-shaven? it just means: "you're no good for me", in other words, return to the starting point: "I do not want you." But back, to ride on self-esteem man. Another option - the classic "I'm tired / I have monthly / headache. Then the applicant for your splendid body wait until all the troubles will pass - and make sure that you have lied to him. That is, once again, unfairly he was treated badly.

So throw these cat and mouse. "You're good, but I do not want to become your mistress, let's be friends", and that, moreover, comes from evil.

Incidentally, the game of inventing explanations for perceived by men (though often they do it themselves and impose) as an attempt to strike a bargain, send for a favorable terms on which you agree to give in, desire to "sell themselves dearly. This is another reason why this game is not worth starting.

And, of course, common rules of courtesy, tact and delicacy no one has repealed. In the end, the desire that you have awakened - it is not the fault of a hapless suitor, even if it is not one, but a compliment to you, with the most honest, there could be, and therefore deserves careful and respectful attitude.

An exception to the rule of "no excuses!" - With her husband or with a constant lover. He, on the contrary, be sure to explain why you are not inclined to have sex "here and now." More precisely - to understand that generally it's all right, not too lazy to once again say that you would still like and want and that he was certainly the most sexy man in the world, but it's better next time.
Firmly deny

At the word "rape" is an impression of a dark doorway, a lone defenseless woman and a villain with a knife, pounces on her from behind. Fortunately, this stereotyped pattern of statistically incorrect: the vast majority of cases the victim is familiar with their rapist. "Fortunately" - because it means that we have the opportunity to defend against his attacks, not only with fists, heels, teeth, or a loud cry, and words. And, most importantly, preventive action.

Women from time immemorial had been forbidden to take the initiative in romantic relationships, in particular, direct text to invite a man into bed. Flirt - a way to fill this injustice: "Guess I'm not averse to hearing from you an indecent proposal." But sometimes we make eyes only for the sake of making eyes, with no plans for a joint breakfast the next day. And as the poor man to guess, I offer sex or do not offer?

If you are flirting just did not want to sleep with the object of your application "ladies' things" - put a "geographical" boundaries, do it only on neutral territory. Do not go to his house (in a hotel room, in a study, when all the other colleagues have long since gone home) and not invite you. Put the obvious physical boundaries: the gentleman is easy to understand why you let kiss the handle, but can not crawl under her skirt, but guess what, under her skirt to climb can be, but under the underwear can no longer be problematic. Put time limits: not to stay with him for too long, wherever it may be. Do not give the gentleman a reason to believe that you expect from him activism.

Otherwise, do not be surprised when he begins to lash out. In nine cases out of ten it will result in a simple quarrel and deadly insult a man who "threw". But in the tenth you will have to fight back - see above - with fists, heels, teeth and a loud scream.

Perpetrator is no excuse, but not to create a hothouse environment to his vile nature manifested itself in its entirety, you can also!

***

Yes, and most important thing. Do not bother with fools. They have no human explanation and failure do not understand. No, not at the risk deal. Fool - not necessarily the aggressor, and the risk of violent attempts on his part not much higher than that of wisdom. But to abandon the claims of love fool, so that did not have to worry after an acute attack of misanthropy, almost impossible.